Today was the last day of Macy's big sale and I went to their store. I knew I did not have anything in mind to buy but I went anyway, I needed to breathe some fresh air after two weeks of just going to and from school and home. We all need it anyway, aren't we?
As soon as I got into their handbags department, the commotion that women made, grabbing excitedly some MK handbags rushing to check out was just unbelievable and belittling. In my mind, I was thinking wow if only I had the budget... I was there feeling, touching the feel of MK handbags, looking at tags, staring at the SALE signs even if it says "additional 40% off already reduced prices", still it was expensive for someone who doesn't have a job nor a source of income to support my "want".
I hanged in that area for a couple more minutes as if I would buy one for me too but sadly, I couldn't... no matter how I wanted it. I moved to the watches department, there I found an affordable Charter Club watch for under $30, it's not for me but a gift for my mother for my next trip to the Philippines.
I went to the second level of Macy's and there I browsed some more. Looked like the situation played with my feeling even more. I had two bath towels and a twin sheet set for Jadyn's bed and that's it. The women in front of me falling in line to check out comparing their MK coats which ones are of best quality and best price. I then again was shaking my head.
If only we weren't this tight with money due to legal fees, if only I had a job... so many if only's that make me look at myself as the "poorest" in America. I hate this feeling! I am a woman and as a normal human being, I can't help but get overrun by that feeling of wanting to buy something I don't need. If only I was not thinking of my children or husband who works hard to support his family, I could just go ahead and buy that expensive handbag that isn't important and useless. I don't need any more handbags, I got a couple middle brands in my closet that I've collected over the years, most of them are like new for I rarely use them. They are kept with a dust bag. I have all kinds of sizes and styles I like, right there in my closet yet my mind keeps getting jealous of women who bought bags today.
But because I am not spoiled or materialistic person, I just stopped myself from wasting money that my husband worked hard to earn.
I should not be feeling this way because for so many reasons; we got quite a big house that have been paid off, no cars to pay monthly, we are all healthy, we keep up with our bills but the idea of the over thousand dollars legal bills every month makes me feel poor. Arggsss. Lord, help us. When is this going to be over?
