I am Cursed yet I am Blessed

Someone in the Philippines is smoking mad at me right now for not sending her financial support since February this year. Not my fault. And yes, I've heard a lot of bad-mouthing from her towards me, I could care less. She curse me and I am blessed. I am blessed more than ever. So, now who's the loser?

She'll be eaten alive with all her bitterness and anger, I will not be able to hear all of them because I am thousands of miles away from her and I am thankful I am. I live a happy and peaceful life with my own family and that is all that matters to me now. No stress, no worries and only have minor problems if there are any.

Thank You, God for continuing to bless me with good health, safety, good family and marriage and oh well, financially as well.

Your Life, Your Worry

You have your life, I got mine. Your life, your worry. I worry mine and I have nothing to do with yours since the day you chose your favorite son. Whatever's going on with your life, suck it up.

As for me here, I am enjoying my life with my own family. I am having peace of mind here so I should not get myself involved with the messy life you choose to live. My obligation to you has ended when you did not listen to me.

No matter what people say, I just have to be firm so you'll know I am not a child anymore who you used to manipulate and boss around.

I wanted you to have an easy life, I helped you out and showed my concern to you yet you ignored that. What can I do? I will not continue to be nice to people who obviously do not see my care.

My Mother Choose the Addicted Son of Hers Over Me

Well, I cannot force someone to love me as much as she loves the rest of her children. I made it clear to my mother while in the Philippines that I don't want her going back to that hell house again, give them food and pay the electricity bill. I knew she'd not gonna follow what I said, recently I just found out that she probably have paid the current electricity bill.

With that, I have to be firm with my conviction otherwise, how am I gonna make people in my family that I am serious? The next time I send my financial support to them, it's not gonna be in my mother's name. I will let her suffer first and see if she continues to be hard on me.

I don't understand her at all after being disrespected and treated like an animal by her sons, yet she still show care and concern to those  bastards. Tan awn lang nato kinsay di mangamote ugma damlag... panaad ko lang!

I Will Not Let Evil Consume Me

Someone say that there are more important things that need to be talked about on Facebook instead of posting selfies, quotes, food and etc., terrorism that is going on around the globe that should always be the topic that people should be concerned about.

While that is important to be aware of our surroundings, why would I choose to talk about the brutality these terrorists have caused to humanity while it is already bad and detrimental to our minds? Heck, I am not going to do that nor I let evil wrongdoings consume me. I have these beautiful people around me and I will just focus on to enjoy my life living with them.

Terrorist acts are already bad enough, why would I give them the satisfaction to enter in our minds? Why not just talk about happy things, family life, food, trips or anything that will somehow give us optimism about life?

The Crush that I Was so Infatuated with

Can you believe it? When years have passed you haven't seen nor have any idea that the person you used to be so infatuated with during your elementary years have changed so much? I mean, drastically changed physically? I had this crush when I was in grade four until grade six that for me he was the handsomest "boy" alive. He had this fair or white skin and you know white skin in the Philippines, people view you as "attractive". He had this cute red kissable lips, a pair of tantalizing eyes, he was neat and carried his clothes really well, he was known for being quiet and well behaved boy in school. He had very flawless facial skin, a smile that melted me every time he flashed it and I saw it. Those are just a few of his characteristics why I had a crush on him. I can go on forever enumerating those but I am not gonna bore you with that.

Twenty years later, I found him on Facebook,  I added him  to my list. I would hit "like" on his pictures and he would do to mine occasionally. Looking at his pictures now, it is almost unbelievable that the once I so infatuated with is no longer handsome. He now has deep spots on his face which is obvious from having acne during his teenage years, he got dark and I don't see the neatness of his clothing on the pictures anymore. What happened to him?

Amazing how people can transform physically into good or bad. The kids in school that I thought were pretty and good-looking are no longer attractive in my opinion. Or maybe because I have changed preference when it comes to looking at faces? Since high school, I no longer look at Filipino guys on their face. I became picky and found that Americans were way far more attractive in my eyes than them!

Thankful for the Grace

It's been too long since I blog for money.  I honestly missed those days where I earn everyday from my blogs. It's been too long that I have not received raining tasks but today, God has showered me some. I am grateful for it, it means a few dollars to come to my Paypal next month.

It is not everyday I received stars from the sheriff and for that I couldn't be more thankful. I am in need of $$ as always for I have a family waiting for my support every month in the Philippines and there is no way I can stop my obligation to them as long as my mother is alive. Another thing, I need to save up some more for our vacation in June. As expected it is going to be a big expense not just for my husband for he has to pay for the tickets but for myself as well. I do use my own money for allowance while in my country, you know?

God Has Brought So Much Joy to Me on Christmas!

Somehow God is real, God is alive and hears my woes. He knows exactly how I feel. He knows I have been so disappointed with regards of the lawsuit that until now is not over. He knows I am hurting and that He cheered me up just before His birthday.

He blessed us with something we didn't expect in a form of financial surprise. I had planned of visiting my home country in June next year but when we received that outstanding bill from our lawyers, I felt disappointed and was so down. I just thought maybe we can make it in 2016, by then we can have a budget for our trip. My days were so dark that I really felt bad inside.

Until Christmas eve came, an unexpected check from my husband's previous home and car insurance company sent us a refund with an amount enough to send me and my kids to the Philippines! How amazing God's love is? He had his way of cheering me up when I was so down! Thank You, Lord for hearing my woes and for loving me! I am one happy woman right now for I can now surely visit my family in the Philippines.

All I am waiting now is to contact our travel agent to help me find cheaper tickets for June. Yeeehawww!!

I Never Felt this Poor!

Today was the last day of Macy's big sale and I went to their store. I knew I did not have anything in mind to buy but I went anyway, I needed to breathe some fresh air after two weeks of just going to and from school and home. We all need it anyway, aren't we?

As soon as I got into their handbags department, the commotion that women made, grabbing excitedly some MK handbags rushing to check out was just unbelievable and belittling. In my mind, I was thinking wow if only I had the budget... I was there feeling, touching the feel of MK handbags, looking at tags, staring at the SALE signs even if it says "additional 40% off already reduced prices", still it was expensive for someone who doesn't have a job nor a source of income to support my "want".

I hanged in that area for a couple more minutes as if I would buy one for me too but sadly, I couldn't... no matter how I wanted it. I moved to the watches department, there I found an affordable Charter Club watch for under $30, it's not for me but a gift for my mother for my next trip to the Philippines.

I went to the second level of Macy's and there I browsed some more. Looked like the situation played with my feeling even more. I had two bath towels and a twin sheet set for Jadyn's bed and that's it. The women in front of me falling in line to check out comparing their MK coats which ones are of best quality and best price. I then again was shaking my head.

If only we weren't this tight with money due to legal fees, if only I had a job... so many if only's that make me look at myself as the "poorest" in America. I hate this feeling! I am a woman and as a normal human being, I can't help but get overrun by that feeling of wanting to buy something I don't need. If only I was not thinking of my children or husband who works hard to support his family, I could just go ahead and buy that expensive handbag that isn't important and useless. I don't need any more handbags, I got a couple middle brands in my closet that I've collected over the years, most of them are like new for I rarely use them. They are kept with a dust bag. I have all kinds of sizes and styles I like, right there in my closet yet my mind keeps getting jealous of women who bought bags today.

But because I am not spoiled or materialistic person, I just stopped myself from wasting money that my husband worked hard to earn.

I should not be feeling this way because for so many reasons; we got quite a big house that have been paid off, no cars to pay monthly, we are all healthy, we keep up with our bills but the idea of the over thousand dollars legal bills every month makes me feel poor. Arggsss. Lord, help us. When is this going to be over?

 

Don't Talk When You Are Mad

One thing I learned from the past couple of days is  not to open your mouth when you are mad, otherwise, you'll end up regretting later for saying words that could potentially hurt someone and those words can't be taken back. It happened to me years ago and I regretted that so much.

Last week, I received a feedback from our home in Cebu about my mother washed someone else's throw up, this someone is not related to us or anything, except that she has a relationship with my younger brother. Upon knowing that she sleeps with him in our own house occasionally, I couldn't help but be furious about it. Such a curse to do that, I have always been conservative all my life and bringing a woman to our house to sleep with is just so against my views.

What I did, I called them and scolded my brother, throwing him hurtful words. I was gonna humiliate him and the girl publicly but something inside me tells me to wait and call back my mother to confirm one thing. I am glad I did, or else those two people will be very very embarrassed by my actions.

I feel awful after saying those unpleasant things to my brother on the phone but I am not taking them back just so he knows I am not in favor of him bringing a woman in our house while they're still in their early stage of their relationship.

Ebola is in Texas and I'm Worried

First Ebola patient that had direct contact in Africa died last week in Dallas Presbyterian Hospital. A nurse who worked directly with him contracted the disease and is now in good condition. Over a hundred people are now in isolation. Second nurse also got the disease who flew to the other state on Frontier Airlines. What's next?

God forbid from spreading all over Texas or anywhere else. There's no known cure yet for the virus. I am worried. CDC said it's not an airborne disease but it is up to 3 feet according to the news. We are just 45 minutes away from Dallas and you know, such an epidemic like this would easily spread in a blink of an eye. God, I am humbly asking you, protect us all from this deadly disease.

I'd rather die bitten by a zombie than contracting Ebola. With zombie at least, I fought hard before dying, with Ebola there's less chance you can survive unless you get treated early.

No More Presents for Them

For years I have been giving out presents from America to my relatives at home and little did I know that despite of the kindness I did for them, I received a negative feedback from one of the recipients of my gifts.

Those people are shameless, with hands wide open receiving my stuff and stabbing me behind my back. That pisses me so much. How could these people so shameless yet continue coming to our house just for pasalubong?

Dang! Di lang jud ni sila pasayop pakita naku next time kay na ulbo jud sila's kauwaw. Bantay lang!

My Gut Says So

I may be an ordinary woman but I have a gut to trust that tells me something which I believe is true. Sometimes I think of things or someone I don't necessarily utter and then when this specific person I think about talks to me about this and that... coincidentally, they thought the same as I do too even if they are in other states or outside the US. Why is that? Mental telepathy? Could be! It is proven several times already.

So when I think someone or somebody is peeking into my pictures on Facebook even though he or she is not in my list, that is very possible and I can almost certainly say who the person is. Trust me, this might be true. All I want to do is ask the person if she really is doing it to confirm my suspicion but that might be impossible for I've no intention adding that person to my list. I don't feel threatened though for I know that someone isn't dangerous. He or she might just be curious about me, my life and my children here in the US.

There are times also when a person suddenly appears on my mind while we're not in touch anymore for a long time. My gut is telling me that she misses me and that she is thinking of me though I'd never really asked her that.

It is nice to be missed but it would be a whole lot nicer if she'd come to me and admit it that she missed me, hehe.

 

Blogging is Tiring

I know it is not just me who is feeling this, I find it tiring to blog nowadays yet I try my best to update some of my loved blogs as often as I can. This is due to the slowness of blogging income due to Google penalizing companies from buying link ads from blogs.

Google is a multi billion dollar company yet they don't allow small and poor earner like us, bloggers to make money a little bit. SIGH! Blogging used to be so fun but now it's death is nearing. What am I gonna do without blogging? It's the only way I can send financial help to my family back home.

 

He Caught a Bug

I was shocked when my husband came home at 12 in the afternoon which is not so him! Meaning, it is not his habit to just work half a day unless he is feeling poorly and could not last a day at work. That is exactly what he told me as soon as I greeted him in the kitchen. He actually texted me that he is coming home soon but didn't get to read it after an hour later.

Poor husband, looks like he has a flu virus for he complains about body aches. If one member of the family has the virus, it is expected that it will contaminate all of us. Our girls has been sneezing and coughing for two days now but no complain of body aches or fever yet. I, on the other hand, starting to feel scratchy and hoarse throat. This is not so good, I tell you!

Good thing though that there will be no school the entire week next week for Spring break. At least, if I get sick, I don't have to worry about getting up early every morning just to prepare my student for school. By the time the break ends, hopefully we'll be all healed.

Joke Responsibly

A few days ago, I got involved into a heated argument with someone I know since kindergarten. We just got reconnected on Facebook and she perhaps felt that we're still close like we used to be growing up and going to the same school together until high school. It has been 14 years since we parted ways and it's through Facebook we heard from each other again.

We used to joke a lot, hanged out a lot and just had fun you know? Our high school class of 2000 is planning a reunion next month, this girl I am talking about jokingly mentioned names of her classmates/schoolmates who are now married to white men to provide for a roasted pig. I have no problem with that. What got into my nerves is that, the "manner" her words were hurled at me was offensive. To her, it was all a joke but on my part, it was like "yaga yaga" to me. The way she said it in the group, on her wall and in private message is obliging me to buy it as if I owe anything to anyone.

People should realize that, you don't appreciate other people whom you just got reconnected with on Facebook bitching you around with anything! Get it?

It is okay to ask but in a proper way, ask nicely if you want something from me. Me, being married to an American somehow give her an idea of being "rich" and that I should buy that damn roasted pig for them. I could only tolerate bad jokes once or twice but she did it more than five times and I ERUPTED, I insulted her in private message. One of her lines, "Analy lechon baboy imoha naminyo man ka'g kano, dato man ka!" She was not only happy telling that to me in public but she also PMed me saying, "lechon baboy lage imo oi" ... If you were me, would you be happy with that? I don't think so?

I will not apologize for what I said to her for she started it, I only fired back because I got fed up with her. She was very annoying! Some people in the group wondered why was that an issue? It wasn't an issue until someone reacted to my Facebook wall posting. It was just between me and that specific girl but then somebody posted her reaction on the FB group. A lot of people don't know what was really happening and how it started so they might be thinking bad about me now, but who cares? At the end of the day, their opinions don't matter to me.

Duh, I just can't sit here and say nothing. I have my own opinion and was just stating a fact. Those who can't relate took it negatively, those who experienced the same thing... they related with my vent.

One thing before I go, JOKE RESPONSIBLY! DO NOT BITCH AROUND PEOPLE FOR ANYTHING SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY LIVE OVERSEAS! That does not give you all the rights to do so!

Delicious Food that I Never Tasted

I had such a special intimate moment with my husband this morning (well duh, not just this morning to be clear, always...). Shhhhhhhhhh! It's a secret haha. It's too good that I can best compare it to a delicious food that I never tasted before. Yes, you read it right! I made it sure too that my husband knows that. That is exactly what I told him after that moment, hehe.

It pays to be patient and marry a healthy husband. Even though he is 17 years my senior yet I cannot complain anything about him when it comes to sex life because, I am very satisfied of him. He just had his health assessment done at the nearby hospital and the results came out perfectly as in perfectly healthy!

When a man is healthy even in his  late 50's, I guarantee, he is still capable of making his wife happy and perform long minutes of crimes..haha good crimes!

Facebook- A Perfect Place to Pretend or to be Fake

I am on Facebook. Everybody is on Facebook. It is such a popular social networking site that keeps you updated with people across the globe of their current statuses, what they're doing, where they are, photos selfies or in group, delicious foods, etc.

While I enjoy being on there whole day everyday, there are people who I find are sickening and annoying, so I unfollow a few of them. There are also who pretend to be the nicest, the kindest and the best of all through their words which by the way is OVER THE TOP, overdone and most of all over killing it just so they can praise other people. Heck, they think it's admirable but the more they do it, the more they sound foolish, silly and their words show their insecurity inside (if one must think and examine deep his words). Thanks to Facebook, they found a perfect place to pretend the person they are not inside or covering up their insecurities in life.

I must admit, I get lonely sometimes too but I don't post a photo of myself smiling while my true feelings inside don't match with what is outside. Heck, hard to that. That is just the hardest thing to do for me.

Anyway, what I am saying here is that, on Facebook you can be who you want to be or fake your true feelings there, nobody knows what you truly feel but you! There are also people who love to gather likes to their pictures or status. I find that weird, if people on your list find it nice or interesting, they'd surely hit LIKE button instead of being told by you to LIKE it, except of course if you're a blogger or joining a contest and you need to garner likes from other people in order to win. I am okay with that.

All in all, Facebook is entertaining and sickening at times.

I Wish He Would Listen

It's the New Year yet I don't feel really good inside, to be honest. I kind of having that blues and the urge to go home to cure it. For two days now, I made it known to my husband my feeling but I don't think he listen to me or even care about me. At least that is how I feel.

Last night I told him if he would let me live in the Philippines for a year and that I can find a decent school for our girls there but he just answered me with, "go ahead!. That hurts. What I wanted to hear from him is the assuring advice or voice from him but sadly, that did not come out from his mouth.

What do I do? Homesickness is beyond my control and there is no cure for it. My goal now is to be able to save enough money so that I can do it on my own without bothering him with financial help once I am there. I would really do it whether he likes it or not, I'll bring along my girls with me and if he wants to see them, he can come to the Philippines and see us!

I have no plan of relocating to the Philippines, all I wanted is stay there longer. I don't even want him in there with me for he will be the target of the corrupt people of my country, from taxi cab drivers to anybody who works for the government. These predators would look at a foreigner as their prey and I don't like the idea!

I am Just Beyond Thankful to My Friend

When all of my ten blogs were down, I was down too as if the world was on my shoulders. I cannot imagine without my blogs as they are my only source of income. I send financial help to my family in the Philippines and thanks to blogging for it allows me to stay home with my kids.

Ixwebhosting truly sucks. I had to beg to their tech to give me access to my blogs just so I can save my xml files. Imagine, I am their customer and they have my money yet I was the one to beg? What kind of company or service is that?

Anyway, one of the best Christmas presents the Lord give me is a gift of friendship. I am thankful to my friend Annie, who helped me a lot getting my blog back up. She transferred my blogs to her own hosting company without hesitation, in fact, she was the one who offered me.

I hope she knows how lucky I am to have found her... she is an angel in disguise.

I Shouldn't be Guilty

I have been shopping online weeks back it is because there are deals that are hard to resist. In Victoria's Secret alone, I think I have shopped from them for five times this month alone simply because I want to grab as many secret rewards as I can. Then yesterday I spent at least nearly $200 for my girls tablets on Amazon, then today I went out to two stores but did not spend much though maybe $25 total but they are items worth having like vits. and some purses.

Earlier I checked out from two different online stores again but I shouldn't be guilty for doing all these. As the saying goes, "Shopping is cheaper than therapy" so be it! Lol. Anyway, I just have to worry the payments later, for now I should take advantage of the awesome deals that Black Friday offers!

How about you people, do you feel guilty too for shopping?