My Father's 2nd Death Anniversary

... snaps above are of us visited his grave last April 2013 in Calinan Memorial, Davao. As promised that I'm going to visit him once I go to the Philippines. I hope he was happy when I brought two of my siblings and my girls to his grave. You see, I didn't break my promise even if he is dead, I still want to be in touched with him.

My father just went without saying a thing or showing a sign to me two years ago. While we celebrated our 7th year anniversary, it was also the darkest day of my life for he passed away. Today, as we celebrate our 9 years wedding anniversary, I am also remembering my father. He is dearly missed by me and the rest of the family, memories cherished, photos are kept for remembrance.

I wish I could light a candle for him at the cemetery but that is just impossible to do here in the United States. I will just say a little prayer for him though, that wherever he is, he is resting in peace with the Lord and that he is watching over us on earth. 'Pa, I may have not said this to you when you were still with us, but I hope you knew that I loved you... Gosh, throat hurts and starting to cry... I just missed him terribly on this day!

Heavy Heart

As days get closer to our wedding anniversary, I also am getting those emotions that take me back to when me and my husband tied the knot. We were so happy back then and even until now of course... it is different today because we already have a big family. Also, I have been missing my father so much that I could almost cry when I went to bed last night.

It has been almost a year we all without a father and yes, he passed away on the day we celebrated our 7th year wedding anniversary. This is going to be his first death anniversary yet the wound of losing him is still fresh. Life, why it has to be this way?

It Hurts The More I Listen To It

So as I was saying in my two posts below that I have this recorded audio of my phone conversation with my father, while it is great to have it but at the same time it hurts me more listening to it over and over again knowing that I could only listen to the same words and his voice now.

The realization strikes me after this one minute conversation I had with him that no matter what I do, no matter how I try to convince myself that my father is not dead, that somehow contradicted to the reality.

My father is already gone!!! Whenever I talk with somebody who also experienced losing a loved one, it always brings tears to my eyes and pain is always there, it seemed never go away!

I Feel He Is So Alive

Two night ago my little one played with my cellphone and she accidentally pushed a button that opened a recorded audio that I didn't know exist in my phone. I listened to it and found out that it was a phone conversation of me and my father I made a long time ago.

It was so nice to hear my father's voice once again. I feel he is so alive and just couldn't believe I now actually have a great remembrance of how he sounded like when he was still alive.

I missed my father everyday of my life! If only I could turn back the time... I know he is happy where he is now and is watching over us. 'Pa, wherever you are, please know that we are here missing you so much!

Me And My Papa!

.... photo above was taken during our vacation to the Philippines last November 2010....of course me and Iyo!

I like my PAPA so much hehe. Four nights ago he visited me in my dreams and that surely relieved my longing to him. I did ask him during his funeral that he needs to return the favor to me now that he's gone. I want him to at least see me in my dreams whenever I want to. Just like what I did when he was still alive. Whenever he wanted me to call him, I'd call right away. Whenever I missed him so much, in my dreams I can see him.

The last dream I had was that...we had a usual conversation, I forgot the line he was saying but the smile on his face is still clear in my mind.... maayo nalang ni ingon ani at least nakig communicate gyapon naku ako Papa bisan sa damgo nalang!

Missing Him Everyday

Not a single day to pass by me without thinking about my father. I just missed him terribly. I missed those good times we had together. I missed his voice, I missed everything about him. Until now I can still shed a tear when I talk about him to my friends. Missing someone you cannot see anymore sucks. I know I was not a good daughter to him before but wasn't it part of growing?

I realized my close relationship to my father when my mind matured. It was when I was about to get wed when my father patiently assisted and went with me whenever I did my inquiry for stuff in relation to my wedding. When I meet my American boyfriends, he was with me all the time at the airport, he never leave me alone and most of all, he was there at my wedding walking with me in the aisle and handed me to my then fiance, Sandy.

Gooooooshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Papa I miss you so much! I wonder if you knew I loved you eventhough I wasn't as vocal of my feelings towards you!

Missing Him Everyday

Not a single day to pass by me without thinking about my father. I just missed him terribly. I missed those good times we had together. I missed his voice, I missed everything about him. Until now I can still shed a tear when I talk about him to my friends. Missing someone you cannot see anymore sucks. I know I was not a good daughter to him before but wasn't it part of growing?

I realized my close relationship to my father when my mind matured. It was when I was about to get wed when my father patiently assisted and went with me whenever I did my inquiry for stuff in relation to my wedding. When I meet my American boyfriends, he was with me all the time at the airport, he never leave me alone and most of all, he was there at my wedding walking with me in the aisle and handed me to my then fiance, Sandy.

Gooooooshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Papa I miss you so much! I wonder if you knew I loved you eventhough I wasn't as vocal of my feelings towards you!